One of the greatest pains in life is when God seemingly betrays you. You call on him at the point of your deepest need and he does not respond. Worse, he doesn’t say why he won’t answer. He’s silent and nothing you do, whether fasting, prayer or works, changes things.
I’ve been there. I’ve been so angry at God that I became quiet, so I wouldn’t say something I would later regret. I wasn’t ready to speak to him about my anger and so, he could wait. But relationships cannot be so easily ignored or broken.
At a practical level, if I ran from God, where exactly would I be running to and to whom? The alternative seemed bleak. Also, anger is such an emotionally draining thing. You eventually get tired of being angry with someone you cannot see. It just seems pointless somehow.
It’s really difficult to reconcile love with betrayal. I love God. I also like him. He has never struck me as the type to do sadistic things or to delight in punishing his children with sorrow. He has always come across as really kind. So why is he silent?
I’m now stuck in this uncertain place wondering. The things that happened, were they my fault? Did I lack wisdom and compassion? Was I deflecting responsibility? Was I being taught a lesson? Was it a trial or test? But why wouldn’t God tell me so? Why wouldn’t he have a conversation with me about it? Even bosses clearly communicate reprimands and those who love you, do not ignore you. Therefore, I am very confused and I am sorrowful.
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PS: You should read the follow up, When God Does Not Answer Prayers here.
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