I’ve been chewing on this article for a while. I recently read a post on Facebook about marriage. In it, an older woman advised younger women to not be too quick to leave their marriages because of “ordinary” cheating. I understood the context of the advice – the willingness to work through tough challenges. But, the post assumed everyone places the same level of unimportance on sex. I will explain using an analogy about loyalty.
I once knew a powerful man. When he married his wife, it was an alliance. It was a family merger as much as it was a romantic union. His wife was his confidante and knew where all the bodies were literally buried. She knew where her husband concealed his charms and she accompanied him for his quarterly visits to spiritual consultants in India. She was there when he dedicated their first son to dark arts in exchange for the preservation of their family wealth.
One faithful day, she was a little tipsy at a wedding reception and gossiped with her friends about her husband’s visits to India. She was showing her friends “the way” to prosperity and sharing her “good fortune”.
Her husband soon sent her packing. Confidentiality, trust and discretion were non-negotiable for him. He left her for “ordinary” gossiping.
Different things have different weights and have varying levels of importance to people. Sex connotes different things to people, just like gossiping does. For some, sex and trust are interchangeable. It is therefore not our place to try to convince them that cheating is “ordinary”. It is not.