In this place

There is peace in this place
Peace I have searched for and ached for

There is knowledge in this place
One far beyond my years
Insight that refuses to leave me alone
Get out of my head or relent in its intensity

There is sadness & regret in this place
But hard-earned lessons have been learned
And a better me has emerged

There is nobody in this place
It is devoid of human understanding
And friendship

I dare to be me in this place
I refuse to pretend or apologise
And in this place there are no negotiations
Trade-offs or bartering

There is a future in this place
I can see it, smell it
But I just can’t seem to taste it

There is dissatisfaction in this place
I am not doing enough
But I can do much more

I must let go in this place
I am not in control
I keep telling myself this over and over

There is music in this place
I can hear it, sing it but i can’t write it
I miss the wonderful melodies I have not written in years

There is salvation in this place
Maybe I can do it this year
Triumph, overcome, sacrifice and become

Perhaps I will find purpose in this place

There is solitude in this place
I am losing my ability to speak
For I do it so rarely and have lost all capacity for small talk

I am too serious in this place
There are too many rules, principles and standards
And I have no one to look up to
No teacher, no big brother

I am lost in this place
Lost and alone
For the higher I go
The fewer companions I see along the way

I would really like to fall in love in this place
But I am a doggone realist
Falling in love with a friend
Is a rare but wonderful thing

I am waiting in this place
I need to hear it, read it
Understand it
Know the right thing to do

Please speak to me in this place
I am troubled and afraid

I am crying in this place
Always on the inside
No one knows and no one sees
And it never lasts very long

For I must function in this place
Do what needs doing
Get the job done
Perform. Lead

I’m no longer fighting in this place
I will not expend needless emotional energy

I am buying new things in this place
Surrounding myself with the comfort and beauty

I worry about my family in this place
But I pray, simply pray

I am changing in this place
Becoming better, kinder

I see the hearts of men in this place
Their goodness, strength, kindness and frailty

I admit my failings in this place
The gross inadequacies of the female in me

I have tried to be a better woman in this place
I keep trying and trying
But there’s no one to tell me if I am succeeding

I am feeling sorry for myself in this place
It is a strange condition
And somehow it seems cowardly

I will not make the same mistakes in this place
Enough is enough is enough

I fear morning in this place
The harsh light of judgment
And the desolation it brings

Perhaps someday I will eventually leave this place
This place of sadness, sorrow and hopefulness