“I can’t feel my fear.”
Those were the thoughts that ran through my mind a few weeks ago. For someone who has struggled with anxiety for a long time, having a stretch of internal peace is significant. I always notice it when it happens because peace & joy make me more productive.
In 2020, one of my goals was to train myself to trust God. But that goal kinda got carried over into 2021 🙈.
You don’t want to know how emotionally draining fear is. That’s why I deeply resent the phrase, “Do it afraid.” I don’t want to do anything afraid. Instead, I want the zest and energy that come from joy. I want to do things happily.
The sheer terror of fear, anxiety, procrastinating and catastrophizing should not be felt by anyone.
You may be surprised that someone like me is plagued by self-doubt. I’m just better at hiding it than others because I’m stubborn about progress. I must get things done and so I doggedly carry on through fear. But it causes headaches, fevers and grey hair.
I take long walks and I meditate to manage my emotions. Anything to stop being overwhelmed and to get out of my feelings. Therapy also helps.
Growing up, I used to have such a sense of calm and equilibrium.
I was never given to extremes of emotion. So, my present state surprises me. Somehow, living in Nigeria and spending too much time on Twitter have chipped away at my mental health.
When I was younger, I was also all about what God wanted me to do, rather than what I wanted to do. I’m steadily finding my way back to that. I’m letting go of soporific non-fulfilling tasks and goals.
So, in this season of my life, I am consistently shutting down fear and I choose to not accommodate it.
They say when you are truly tired of something, you will finally let it go. That’s what I’m doing with fear. It’s similar to how some people relocate. The pressure builds until one day, their displeasure at their current circumstances, finally outweighs the fear of leaving their comfort zones. That’s when you see all those posts on social media that say, “Goodbye Nigeria. The evil you have done is enough.”
This year, despite my introversion and struggles with self-doubt, I am starting TANDEM – The African & Diaspora Executive and Manager Network.
It’s a network for the vulnerable, good and kind. It also prioritizes the excellent. Call me idealistic, but life is too short to accommodate the corrupt, stupid and inept in my circle.
The people in TANDEM are already successful men and women. We are at the top of our respective professions, so we are not looking for success. We are not looking to use people to get to the top.
Rather, we seek peer collaborations and support. We want safe spaces to be ourselves. Arenas where we can talk about wealth & work, but also relationships & life. A place to find sounding boards for incredible missions that only our peers can comprehend. Because we have already explored our countries, we now eye continental and international scale and expansion.
If this sounds like you and you are between 37 and 50 years old, please fill this short form and save this date – November 27, 2021. I’ll be happy to send you more information about TANDEM in a few days.
For more, please read Building a New Kind of Network.