A few good questions to ask anyone you’re considering a relationship with are, “Paint me a picture of marriage. What do you see? What does it mean to you?” The picture they communicate, usually reveals their ideology, values and the things they consider most important in life.
Some people imagine a white picket fence, two kids and a dog. Others imagine adventures in the Balkans with no domestic encumbrances. Our inability to accept who people are, often makes us chase pipe dreams.
I have a friend who is the most happy-go-lucky person I know. Very adventurous and spontaneous. Men like her. I once asked another friend why he was hesitant to propose to her and he said, “She’s not “traditional enough.” I almost gave him a resounding knock on the head. But I understood and accepted his response.
You see, he couldn’t see that what made my friend who she was, were the things she was not. He was deeply drawn to her because she was the type to gallivant through Tibet on a whim. She appealed to his sense of fun and laughter. A more traditional woman would be thinking about raising twins and choosing curtains. (These are stereotypes, but you catch my drift.)
We keep looking for that unrealistic person who combines disparate qualities and values to perfectly suit our fantasies. Even if they existed, there’s such great competition for such blended personalities, that we must honestly ask, “Would such a person, with all the choices available to them want imperfect us”?
I believe everyone is special and beautiful in their own right. They deserve to be celebrated and to be happy. So, any time you meet someone, it might be worth remembering that everything they are is because of everything they are not.
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