Building a relationship with God hasn’t been easy. Not at all.
It was hard to understand that my life should be about relationship, not activity. No one taught me that. Instead, Christianity was presented to me as a list of activities – fasting, praying, attending church, preaching the gospel etc. I never learnt to spend time in God’s company; getting to know him and sharing my deepest thoughts, fears & insecurities with him.
Admitting my faults and doubts to God is not a demonstration of lack of faith. It is the deepest form of intimacy; a call to friendship and nakedness. But no one told me that. And so, I had a “doing” Christianity and not a “being” Christianity. Nowadays, I want to “be” with God. I want to ask how he’s doing, for a change. I want to learn about his day and his projects. What he’s working on at the moment. What is important to him and how I can help. I want to hear God speak, not by using the “four steps to hearing God”. I just want to intuitively hear the Shepherd’s voice. I am already his sheep. I know his voice. I just need to stop and listen.